Measurements and Musings

Time for an update, I think!

Since my last update, I’ve been doing well at continuing to go to the gym (well, mostly my aqua aerobics classes, but that still counts!) I’ve also been more pleased with, or at least at peace with what my body looks like naked.

However, ‘naked’ is the key term here. I recently had to go clothes shopping for an interview outfit, and the process of trying to find clothes in my size did some serious damage to my self esteem. Today, I have to go out again, this time for a graduation outfit, and I have to admit that I am nervous enough about the process to have spent some time this morning googling various size measurements and waist – to – hip ratios to try and assure myself that all clothing manufacturers are stupid, and that my body is beautiful and that everything will be fine. Basically psyching myself up for the day ahead.

The anxiety that shopping induces in me is also the reason that I am currently still wearing jeans from two years ago, even though they are torn, because I just cannot face having to go out and confront my weight gain in the public forum which is a fitting room.

But here is the thing, my current measurements would put me at a size 18 according to the size charts of a range of clothing lines. And yet, none of my clothes that I wear on a daily basis match those measurements. I spend my time wearing size 14 and 16 mostly (UK sizes.)

Where does this discrepancy come from? Well, there are three things I can think of.

1.The clothes I wear are old, and therefore sizes may have changed or they items themselves may be stretched in a way that enables them to still fit my body. (This is probably most true of my size 14 skinny jeans that I’m refusing to throw out.)

2. Clothing isn’t designed to fit someone who is shaped like me. I have a waist to hip difference of almost ten inches, and that difference is created by a combination of a round bum and stomach fat which sits low on my body. These factors combine together to mean that trousers that fit at the waist squish my belly in to the most horrendous mess, and trousers that manage to flatter or conceal my belly make me look boxy by failing to highlight the womanly curve from hip to waist, and don’t fit around my bum. Combine that with my comparatively small boobs and wide back, and you begin to see the problem.

3. I am slightly in denial about the weight I have gained, and therefore choose clothes to try on that don’t reflect my current shape.

In reality, it is most likely a combination of all of these, and whilst it is easy to sit here and write candidly about these things, it’s much harder to keep that perspective once you are in your fifth changing room staring in the mirror and hating what you see and item after item refuses to do up or flatter your shape. Incidentally, this is the reason that, back in 2014, when I last found jeans that looked great and fitted me perfectly, I bought 4 pairs, two in a size 14 and 2 in a size 16. (I still wear them to this day, although admittedly the 14’s are currently a little snug.)

So, what’s a girl to do? Well, longer term, this girl is going to continue going to the gym whilst also trying to love the body she has. Short term, she’s going to take a tape measure shopping with her, so she can pick items that fit her measurements, and try to ignore whatever number on the tag comes with that.

 

Until next time!

Dani x

 

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Where have I got to?

Well, some progress, some regression.

Let’s start with the positives:

The other day, there was birthday cake in the fridge. (Birthday cake doesn’t count as part of my sugar free choices because who wants to be THAT person at a party, right?)

I decided I would have a piece for breakfast (ok, not so great I’ll admit, but I’m getting to the good bit!)

Warmed chocolate fudge cake – used to be one of my favourites. So I grabbed a fork, only to find that it was far too sweet! So much so that I put half of my slice in the bin!

Also, I’ve also sometimes able to look at myself in the mirror recently and think I’m looking better, (from the front at least – the side is still a disaster!)

So that’s great, but there have been cons too:

I haven’t gone for a run for the last few Sundays.

I’m not doing so well as I was at being strick with myself.

Added to that, whilst I’m trying hard to be proud and impressed, the fact my boyfriend has managed to drop an incredible 8kgs since stopping sugar has made me feel very jealous. He didn’t hate the way he looked before, whilst I did/do and currently feel very trapped inside my skin.

With exam season beginning to hit in earnest, I think that the best I can do is just try to tighten up on being stricter with being sugar free. Once the exams are over, I’ve got to find the money from somewhere so that I can get in the gym. I’d like to try my hand at weight training.

In the meantime, any encouragement to boost me out of my current slump would be lovingly and gratefully received! 

Until next time,

Dani xx

Weight loss Update!

I’m so pleased – one month without refined sugar, and I’m almost 2kg down already!!! 


It’s been a challenge, but to see the numbers just shrinking without anything more time consuming or costly than just cutting the sugar is amazing.

That’s why I’ve decided to step it up. Over the next little while, I’m going to also cut fruit juice, and I’m going to stop having little ‘jam pick-me-ups’ when it gets really tough. I’m also going to be more ‘sugar-conscious’ when buying products like bread and yogurt.

I’ll still have honey and fruit, and I think this should be manageable.

I’m really pleased with how strong willed I’ve been so far. I resisted a chocolate brownie that was in the cupboard for a week before I had to ask my dad to eat it! I also didn’t succumb when my parents bought custard doughnuts, chocolate fudge puddings and apple crumble in the weekly shop.

I’m so glad the scales reflect that determination! I am beginning to see the changes in my body too, but it’s too subtle to shout about in a photograph just yet!

Until next time,

Dani xx

Join me on the bandwagon!

A scary thing has happened – my sugar-obsessed boyfriend has decided to join me on my sugar-free journey!

Not going to lie, I am both excited and slightly scared – what happens when both people in a relationship are having a sugar-related melt down?! I’m joking of course. It feels great to have his support, especially because when he gave me a kiss after having secretly eaten a Snickers bar the other day I could have killed him!

“Have you been eating CHOCOLATE!? And now you’re giving me chocolate flavour kisses? You have got to be joking!”

Bless him – poor boy! I’ve no idea why he puts up with me.

We both suffered from the weight gain that everyone warns you about once you are in a happy relationship – ‘love pounds’ as I like to think of them. And now he’d recovered from a 15 month injury (!) he seems committed to starting to work out as a couple again.

‘Oh that’s so cute!’ I hear you say. I thought so too, until Sunday morning rolled around….

Woosh! The duvet disappears and there is my keen and hyper boyfriend, standing there, ready for the day and expecting me to share his enthusiasm for mornings.

“Get up! I’m better and now we can work out together” he beams at me.

I groan at him and protest that “No, I don’t want to get up and work out. It’s Sunday Run-Day.”

“Oh” he says, undeterred, “Are you going for a run?”

“No…” I mumble begrudgingly. (To be fair, it was pouring with rain.)

Damn it, he is not to be dissuaded it seems! My case wasn’t helped by the fact that I had in fact been watching a Buzzfeed ‘We tried couple’s workouts for a week’ video when he’d come in to the room.

Cue some classic Rihanna tunes of Spotify, and minutes later we were jointly trying to squat, sit-up and press-up our way to newly improved bodies, whilst also sharing the dawning realisation that we were both super weak.

All in all, it felt great to have my best friend by my side and cheering me on, even if I wished that our Sunday lie-in could have lasted for a little while longer! If we keep working out together, hopefully we will soon be able to do some of those ‘couples workouts’ without one of us falling and crushing the other!

 

Until next time,

 

Dani x

Who am I?!

This weekend, I have had the chance to realise how lucky I am.

Cravings for sugar reached an absolute low point on Saturday night, and resulted in me being totally objectionable and unreasonable to my incredibly forgiving boyfriend.

This situation went a little something like this:

9.30pm We agree to have fish and chips for dinner as a treat, and out he goes to get them. 

10pm He hasn’t come back yet and it’s only down the road. Where is he? Hope he’s ok….

10.10 Phone call –  Me: ‘Where are you? Did you get lost or something!?’

Him: ‘Chip shop was out of everything, so I’m at Tesco getting alternatives.’

Me: Snarky comments and putting the phone down.

10.30 He comes home and I am in  an inexplicable sulk that I cannot shake.

We commence to have an argument where I am totally unfair and demand he leave me alone.

I proceed to sulk for half an hour, before I text him:


Looking back on it, I’m shocked and amazed. No ‘Well you should be’ or anything like it. 

Just love and forgiveness and cuddles. I am truly blessed.

I’m really hoping the crankiness will start to disappear in the coming week, and all the benefits of the sugar free life will start to make themselves known. One thing I’ve already noticed is how much my sense of taste has improved – I’m experiencing new depths of flavour out of everyday foods like baked beans.

But overall, currently it’s a bit of a grind. I did manage to drag myself out of a “run” (if you can call the stubble-jog-walk I did that) but it was boring and painful and hard work. 

Never mind. I’ll keep at it and hope for the best!

Until next time,

Dani x

Danger! Danger!

Right now I am dealing with two types of danger – firstly my horrendous bad mood. It’s been here since Monday evening, so I’m hoping it’s the sugar withdrawal, otherwise I fear I’m slowly but surely regressing to cave-woman status.

The second one is the danger of editing software. On a whim, I downloaded a free app called ‘Plastic Surgery Simulator Lite’ to try it out on my ‘before photos.’ I thought that having an idea about what I could look like if I stuck with the programme would help motivate me. It didn’t. 


Instead, it was depressing. I created that image in about 2 minutes, and although the editing is a bid dodgy, basic and you can clearly tell it’s been photoshopped, nevertheless, I was shocked at the result.

Far from inspiring me, it instead filled me with sadness about how far from that edited image I was. How long it would take me to get there. 

I almost immediately started paying more attention to the flaws I had so carefully wiped away on the image.

It is perhaps telling that I made that image and intended to blog about it 3 days ago, but it’s taken me this long to feel ok about doing so.

I cannot believe how available apps to do this sort of thing are. Anyone, with any sort of mental state or impression about their body can now radically alter what it looks like. I genuinely feel that is dangerous. 

The other issue with such apps is that photoshop used to be the preserve of magazines and advertisements, but now, anyone can do it. So those girls who I follow on Instagram as ‘ #bodygoals ‘ might not even be walking around with the bodies I admire! 

Hmmm…Food for thought….

Until next time,

Dani x

Sunday Run Day!

Let me start by saying I HATE running! I suck at it. Being able to only run for about 5 minutes before I am convinced I’m going to have a heart attack is humiliating. My thighs and belly object to the bouncing jiggling motion that occurs as I try to move at a half decent pace.

BUT! It is one of the fastest ways to burn calories (and therefore fat) so I am committed to getting up on Sunday mornings, throwing on my trainers and going for a run- walk along the local canal. Eventually I’m hoping to be able to just run it.


I’m actually really proud of myself today. Last week I went with my boyfriend, ¬†who is fit and loves running. It’s so much easier to keep going and push yourself when someone else is encouraging you. (As it happens, his particular motivational style comes in the form of singing 80’s hits like “The Final Countdown” to keep me going….)

Today, I went by myself, and it sucked so much more than last week. But nevertheless, I did it! Yay!

It wouldn’t look impressive to anyone else watching, but it’s still a step in the right direction for me. (Follow my instagram (link on at the top of the homepage) for more about my exploits.)

Until next time,

Dani x