Measurements and Musings

Time for an update, I think!

Since my last update, I’ve been doing well at continuing to go to the gym (well, mostly my aqua aerobics classes, but that still counts!) I’ve also been more pleased with, or at least at peace with what my body looks like naked.

However, ‘naked’ is the key term here. I recently had to go clothes shopping for an interview outfit, and the process of trying to find clothes in my size did some serious damage to my self esteem. Today, I have to go out again, this time for a graduation outfit, and I have to admit that I am nervous enough about the process to have spent some time this morning googling various size measurements and waist – to – hip ratios to try and assure myself that all clothing manufacturers are stupid, and that my body is beautiful and that everything will be fine. Basically psyching myself up for the day ahead.

The anxiety that shopping induces in me is also the reason that I am currently still wearing jeans from two years ago, even though they are torn, because I just cannot face having to go out and confront my weight gain in the public forum which is a fitting room.

But here is the thing, my current measurements would put me at a size 18 according to the size charts of a range of clothing lines. And yet, none of my clothes that I wear on a daily basis match those measurements. I spend my time wearing size 14 and 16 mostly (UK sizes.)

Where does this discrepancy come from? Well, there are three things I can think of.

1.The clothes I wear are old, and therefore sizes may have changed or they items themselves may be stretched in a way that enables them to still fit my body. (This is probably most true of my size 14 skinny jeans that I’m refusing to throw out.)

2. Clothing isn’t designed to fit someone who is shaped like me. I have a waist to hip difference of almost ten inches, and that difference is created by a combination of a round bum and stomach fat which sits low on my body. These factors combine together to mean that trousers that fit at the waist squish my belly in to the most horrendous mess, and trousers that manage to flatter or conceal my belly make me look boxy by failing to highlight the womanly curve from hip to waist, and don’t fit around my bum. Combine that with my comparatively small boobs and wide back, and you begin to see the problem.

3. I am slightly in denial about the weight I have gained, and therefore choose clothes to try on that don’t reflect my current shape.

In reality, it is most likely a combination of all of these, and whilst it is easy to sit here and write candidly about these things, it’s much harder to keep that perspective once you are in your fifth changing room staring in the mirror and hating what you see and item after item refuses to do up or flatter your shape. Incidentally, this is the reason that, back in 2014, when I last found jeans that looked great and fitted me perfectly, I bought 4 pairs, two in a size 14 and 2 in a size 16. (I still wear them to this day, although admittedly the 14’s are currently a little snug.)

So, what’s a girl to do? Well, longer term, this girl is going to continue going to the gym whilst also trying to love the body she has. Short term, she’s going to take a tape measure shopping with her, so she can pick items that fit her measurements, and try to ignore whatever number on the tag comes with that.

 

Until next time!

Dani x

 

Where have I got to?

Well, some progress, some regression.

Let’s start with the positives:

The other day, there was birthday cake in the fridge. (Birthday cake doesn’t count as part of my sugar free choices because who wants to be THAT person at a party, right?)

I decided I would have a piece for breakfast (ok, not so great I’ll admit, but I’m getting to the good bit!)

Warmed chocolate fudge cake – used to be one of my favourites. So I grabbed a fork, only to find that it was far too sweet! So much so that I put half of my slice in the bin!

Also, I’ve also sometimes able to look at myself in the mirror recently and think I’m looking better, (from the front at least – the side is still a disaster!)

So that’s great, but there have been cons too:

I haven’t gone for a run for the last few Sundays.

I’m not doing so well as I was at being strick with myself.

Added to that, whilst I’m trying hard to be proud and impressed, the fact my boyfriend has managed to drop an incredible 8kgs since stopping sugar has made me feel very jealous. He didn’t hate the way he looked before, whilst I did/do and currently feel very trapped inside my skin.

With exam season beginning to hit in earnest, I think that the best I can do is just try to tighten up on being stricter with being sugar free. Once the exams are over, I’ve got to find the money from somewhere so that I can get in the gym. I’d like to try my hand at weight training.

In the meantime, any encouragement to boost me out of my current slump would be lovingly and gratefully received! 

Until next time,

Dani xx